020: The Piano Man, Building Empathy, and Shifting Perspective
It brings a lump to my throat!
Hello from Bengaluru!
✋In case we haven’t met - my name is Narayan Kamath. I am an Executive and Leadership Coach, helping Engineering/Technology leaders multiply their impact, enjoy greater career success and feel more fulfilled
I was at a restaurant recently, and there was a pianist playing live.
The pianist performed several songs in the time we were in the restaurant, but very few people seemed to be listening.
And even fewer applauded.
The pianist was good.
So was his choice of pieces.
Given the poor audience response, I thought
“Man what are you doing here?”
Which is of course a line from The Piano Man by Billy Joel
Billy Joel is one of my favorite artists, and The Piano man is one of my favorite songs.
And my favorite lines from this song are:
And the piano, it sounds like a carnival
And the microphone smells like a beer
And they sit at the bar
And put bread in my jar
And say, "Man, what are you doin' here?"
I’ve no idea why I love these lines.
Or why they resonate so much.
I only know that hearing Billy sing these lines brings a lump to my throat
You gotta check this out: Man, what are you doin' here?!
💡7 Habits of Highly Empathetic Leaders
Empathy is a skill.
Like any other skill, empathy can be developed.
While one can learn to be empathetic, the way to maintain and deepen one’s level of empathy is deliberate practice.
Habits are a good way to practice important skills, and these 7 habits will exercise your empathy muscles and help you develop into a highly empathetic leader
❶ Be curious about people. Every day, aim to learn something more about someone around you.
❷ Practice perspective taking. During a conversation, try and think about the situation from the other person’s viewpoint.
❸Notice and reflect on your own emotions. Once or twice in a day, stop and take notice of how you are feeling. Express your own emotions more granularly.
❹ Practice active listening. When listening, go beyond the words you hear, and notice their tone, posture, facial expressions and other non verbals to decode their emotions.
❺ Experience what it means to be someone else. Once in a while go and experience how it is to be performing someone else’s job, recreate someone’s commute, eat the way someone eats - experience their way of life to the extent you can.
❻ Watch movies and read fiction. Don’t just lose yourself in the plot, but get deeply involved with the characters and how they respond to the twists and turns of life.
❼ Be mindful of your biases. It’s difficult to notice our biases - our thoughts and actions seem perfectly rational. However, by being intentional, seeking feedback, and reflecting regularly on our significant experiences, we can learn more about our biases
Building sustainable habits is a way of maintaining and deepening our skills.
Of course, it is not easy to do so. If you find it difficult to build new habits, you might be better served working with a coach or mentor to develop these habits.
Which of these habits are you willing to work on, to develop your empathy?
🗞️Update : Unleash Your Leadership Community
While newsletters such as this are great for keeping people informed, they offer limited opportunities for true dialogue and meaningful conversations amongst all members. So, we are looking for a suitable platform to offer a community experience to all our subscribers.
Stay tuned for further announcements here
In the meantime, if you have any ideas or suggestions for what you would like to see in this newsletter or community, please leave a comment below and let me know. I read and respond to every comment personally.
💡 The Argumentative Husband
“𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘨𝘶𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩!” says my wife.
I can’t help it.
I’ve always been able to see multiple perspectives in any situation.
That’s a gift.
And a curse.
As far back as I remember, I’ve always asked “But why does it have to be like that? Why not like this…?
The adults around me were partly fascinated and partly exasperated with this trait.
Luckily, the frustration and admonishment didn’t quite work - so I carried this into my adulthood.
One of my bosses used to call me The Argumentative Indian.
And that’s how it was for much of my career - my ability to see other points of view always showed up in an argument.
It sometimes got me in trouble, but largely it served me well.
It would definitely not have served me as a coach.
Part of my own journey to becoming a coach was to learn to use this gift appropriately.
That means, instead of offering a different perspective myself, I ask my clients how they might see something differently.
And it doesn’t matter whether they see what I see, as long as they see something they haven’t seen before.
Because that gives them more options, and more ways to move forward to whatever they are trying to achieve.
My clients appreciate this about me.
My wife still doesn’t!
End Quote
To end this edition, here's a quote I've been pondering on this week:
"A river cuts through rock, not because of its power, but because of its persistence" - Jim Watkins
The most significant achievements of our lives have not been achieved overnight or by applying some mysterious super-power.
They have been achieved through patient and persistent application of our strengths in the face of self-doubt, distractions and all kinds of obstacles.
That's what makes them significant and memorable for us.
That's all this week! Thanks for your time.
👋
Narayan
PS: When you are ready, here are some ways we can work together to amplify your impact:
1. Grab a free copy of my Deliver Through Others Checklist - It’s a useful summary of the key principles to working better with and through others— Click Here
2. Work with me privately - If you are an Engineering/Technology leader aspiring to evolve into an inspiring and impactful Business Leader, let’s talk! Set up a no-obligation exploratory call with me - Click Here